HeLiUm BoNg 3

FUNDERLAND

I don't know about you, but I fucking HATE Funderland. My idea of a good time does not include slipping up in piles of luminous vomit with 6 year olds with snot encrusted upper lips and dodgy crew cuts swarming the area, threatening you with a shockingly dangerous "rope" (Shoelace). Christ, there's so many walking stereotypes there. I enjoyed hours of fun filled free entertainment with Pierce and Bennie playing wholesome games such as "Spot the Slapper". Such specimens include Air Max, flecky shell suits covered by dodgy leather coats, dodgy haircuts - a 5 perm, fringe brushed forwards, the rest pulled back into a ponytail on top of their heads, cheap jewellery that causes rashes, a choking perfume that lingers five minutes after they leave & always seem to answer every question with: FUCK OFF!, (translated as "No") WHA? (translated as "Pardon?") NI! (translated as "Yes") AAAANYWAY.... Why the fuck do people enjoy being spun around to the point of greeting their last meal again? Take the Breakdancer one. "Fuck! Look! It's... that yoke!... that one that spins. Let's go!" 5 minutes later- "Hang on... I didn't eat any carrots..." If people want to go to Funderland, then why don't they just spin around in a fucking circle, grab out an old techno tape & turn their HIFI on full? They'd save a fuck load of money, and don't run the risk of getting mugged by that 6 year old.

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