HeLiUm BoNg 3


I f**king love gigs. I spend half of my f**king life talking about them. There's a sh*tload of really thick/sad people at them though. There's loads of incidents of REALLY sad blokes at "regular" concerts (ie at the Point/SFX/RDS) who would dress up *specially* for the night out in their boots, cut combats, Slogan T-shirts & purposely unwashed hair. Before they head off to the "Big Concert", they remind their mummys to pick them up at half eleven outside McDonalds. These are the same people who keep telling their mates that they're going to "Mosh like Fuck" and either stay at the back and watch or just pogo as if an invisible man is yanking at their bollocks. They wait for a girl to go crowdsurfing, then get their kicks by grabbing her tits and running back to tell their mates. When they see all of "Those mad fuckers" crowd surfing, they decide to try it for themselves and miss the crowd completely, snotting themselves. Funny stuff.

Concerts can be fucking great though. There's nothing like feeling all of your internal organs jump and vibrate when yr near the speakers. Crowdsurfing is great fun too, but those fucking arsehole bouncers just grab ya by yr hair and lash you on the ground; they're more likely to throw ya out though. Ever since yr one died in that Smashing Pumpkins concert, concert promoters are less likely to let you have any fucking fun at all. Donal got kicked out of Feile over the summer for moshing. HAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, he had to pay for another ticket off some scalper. Yr one died because of those shite little orange bar yokes and everyone ran up to the stage at at the same time. She died because of overcrowding, not people jumping around. Organisers should spend less time throwing out people who are having a good time & dancing, & start figuring out how many people can be put into a venue *safely*.

There we go. hb3's over and done with. Credits this issue go to Pierce (For being the only person who could be arsed to write anything) and of course, me (For doing everything else) Judging from the response I received from hb1 & hb2, I'll take a wild guess that this issue will piss off more people. I don't set out to insult, it just happens. People have every right to disagree with my opinions & to have their own, but people should not look down on me because of my opinions (which is what most people did). Anyway, don't forget to ring! 1800 265265 (instructions on the first page) or write.

Anyway, apologies to S@E for *trying* to stop this issue being released by not printing my address. Good idea, boys & girls, but no cigar. Hate to dissapoint, but hey! That's anarchy for ya.

See ya next issue! - Oly