Greetings and salutations to all you semi-literate funsters out there who managed to have the strength and common sense to lift this, the fourth HeLiUm BonG & all round hypocritical freesheet that couldn't be arsed with politeness. Do ya know what I hate? Annoying little smug Politically Correct Activists. Why do you all embrace the right to free speech, yet shoot down anyone who says something you disagree with? Why do you go out of your way to make sure you don't offend anyone? Look at all of the lovely shiny happy fanzines. Maybe some people find the McDonalds libel case engrossing and would never look at a Big Mac again without spitting on it and smearing "Stop Exploitation of the Workers" on the bun in tomato sauce, but I honestly couldn't be arsed. I also wouldn't care if I was drinking Nestlé or Maxwell House. If it's coffee, It's coffee! But hey! That's apathy for ya! To live without a guilty conscience these days we have a list of products to boycott. Christ, I can imagine it. "Right, I've got the shopping list, now where's that bloody boycott list?" We're not allowed to use cars - all of the petrol companies have private armies & kill anyone questioning their use of the land. So we have to cycle, but using rubber tyres is exploitation of the poor people who have to collect the rubber, pity the concrete tyres are bust. So walk then, but think of the factory workers working slave hours making shoes in Taiwan. Sit at home (Not on the leather seat!! - Exploitation of the cows!) & read zines/sheets. But don't read this one! Read Gearhead Nation with the king of PC in all his vegan glory. I reckon Derek Byrne should do a cover of the Spermbirds'"Not punk enough" & change it to "Not PC enough".

STAY SAFE DEREK! Sounds like a threat there... It's kinda intimidating when ya get a letter ending with 'Stay Safe'. Sounds like something a stalker would say on the phone after giving you a description of what kind of underwear you're wearing. It's not as bad as finding a used cotton bud in the post though. Scary stuff. Last Monday saw the end of an era. (Hey! Clichés never sounded so tacky!) The Old Chinaman held it's last gig. AND I MISSED IT! I was away on 'business' in Blackpool. I heard it was good, & tried to console myself that I managed to see the second last one. I failed miserably. I held my head in my hands as the realisation of my loss dawned on me. No longer shall I hear "The Sunflowerman" Deko scream "Get on with them fuckin' songs", the days when my hard earned £2 fell into the (well used) hands of the Guinness Gulping Bin Man - Trevor, are now over (Who hasn't seen the Indecent Exposure painting/photo yet? *shudder*). Memories of the mad scramble to the seats when the first band came on, the headhunter steps going up to the bar (Try and keep the head on yr pint when yr going down it!), the four man mosh when Stagnation came on & that god awful stench of stale sweat, spilt beer & piss (Another Indecent Exposure legacy no doubt) of the place that would that would cling to your clothes for days afterwards are still sweet & fresh in my mind (Apart from the bloody rotten smell).