HeLiUm BoNg 2

Thanx fr picking up hb#2 (Mine's a vanilla, thanks) now with NEW AND IMPROVED MOANING! (Sounds like summat off S@E -There's yr obligatory mention yis scabby cunts!!!) Anyway, it seems that a good few people (If not all) seem to think that I'm a homophobe, well, there's a wee reply for yis all in the Moan and Groan section inside. Been travelling for much of the past month, off to the good oul U of K, to Bournemouth, Glasgow & Newcastle and I'll be heading to Birmingham and Blackpool within the next few weeks. The reason I have to go is a bit embarrasing, so if anyone guesses correctly, they'll win a brand spanking new... prize. Actually, if someone guesses the answer, I'll give them a tape full of stuff. Doubt yis will though. (There is a link between the places, and it isn't a personal problem. Handy Hints Courtesy of Oly.)

Oh yeh... being the kind bloke that I am, I've managed to get a wee phone message service yoke. (Friends in the business. Handier than a bloke with many hands.) Anyway... it's fairly complicated, but it's FREE! Call after 7pm (NOT Before!!!), the number is 1800 265265, after the tone press * then press 2857. It'll start to record your message. A good few people wrote back to me, so seeing this is free, yis have no excuse not to respond! (That 1800 is a freephone number, not like the 1550 numbers which costs like 15.75 a min) Phone if you STILL think I'm a nazi *sigh*, if there's something you want to see something on this "Crap, Moronic, Laddish Shite" (Good oul GN.) then give us a ring... Figure out what yr gonna say first... Don't just hangup when yr about to say something! Anyway... Get on the phone and all that.

I've got a letter from NappyRash. Apparantly, They'll be playing gigs again soon with Gout over the holidays. Christ that should be good. Oh, and Porn should have a new album out in the new year. Looking forward to that too. Read in the Moan and Groan section about the AMAZING new freesheet Coffee Shop Blues. Y'know, I never thought that there could be such tossers out there, but hey! I was wrong! Ah well... At least the typeface is original. Oh yeh. Happy Christmas everyone! Peace and goodwill etc. Be PC and don't eat the turkey and opt for the brussel sprouts instead. Watch out though... make sure there's no butter on the sprouts, wouldn't want any dairy produce on them. Poor cows. *wipes a tear* Meat is still Murder! Dairy is still Rape! Pro Choice! *Runs about ripping down placards containing photos of aborted foetuses* Politically correct people. They mean well, but usually fluff up when they're complaining about something. Like when one person said I was a spastic because of "those" comments I made in hb#1. Doesn't calling someone a spastic as a slag mean that spastics are a lower form of life? Bit over the top, but this is where PCs ultimately fall flat on their faces. Confronting someone who has offended people by offending even more people. Anyway. On with the "usual bullshit". Gearhead Nation quotes. Don't ya just love em? I'll see ya so, - Oly It's that bit where I permit an enthusiastic "ALRIGHT?" pass my lips in the general direction of people I know. Alison, Pierce, Donal (Mine's a Scrumpy!), Danny (Thanx 4 all yer stuff!), Glenn (He's less of a person, and more of a figure), Dan, Kate, Ross, Benny, Audrey, Fayzer, Gar, Evanser, Stephen, Lyncher, Thomas, Emer, Matthew, Shane, Abey, Anne, That Australian woman (Have you seen my bag anywhere?), Shane, Abey, Snifty, Sickgirl, Mani, Daxx, Javi (For letting us stay in his flat) That scary one (Who kicked a glass in Benny's face), all those preachers on Grafton St. who don't start smacking the shit out of me after I prove that the bible is a cupful of wank, and everyone I forgot, or who think they should be here. Silly tossers. Oh yeh... Trevor, for shaving off his mohawk. Looks like a fekin golf course now. All he needs is a little dot of black and he's away. If you want to have your name embedded within my grey matter for a few fleeting moments, then send me a letter to: "Trees were cut down for this?",

Rock Lawn, Leopardstown Road, Sandyford, Co.Dublin.
IRELAND

BACK TO ISSUE 2