HeLiUm BoNg 2

Moan and Groan #1

After looking at all the feedback from hb#1, it seems that people seem to think that I'm some kind of KKK, aryan, fascist, homophobe, scum because I wrote about my German exchange partner being gay and coming onto me, and when the class were in the gay bar and legged it when they found out. I'd have to disagree with the idea of myself being a homophobe. First of all, I don't know all that many gay people, but I have *no* prejudice against them... It's just that on one occasion, I didn't like a gay person. When I mentioned that I "wouldn't hit my exchange partner", readers seemed to think that because I thought of hitting him, I must be a 'phobe. I would have done the same if he kept on asking me for a go on the computer, a listen on my CDs or if he just kept hogging the TV. All of the above would piss me off... I would have slagged an ugly girl if she tried it on with me in the same way that I'd slag a gay bloke if he came onto me because it's something to do. If you knew me personally, you'd see that I enjoy taking the piss out of people, I put my f**king heart and soul into taking the piss, as my friend Glenn (Mr. Intellectual) put it. If someone does anything to me that I don't like, it's my main objective to humiliate them with as many personal slags as possible . For some, it's being incredibly fat, for some it's trying it on with me. I don't mind fat people, but would take the piss if it came down to it in the same way that I don't mind gay people. Most fanzines basically labelled me as a neo f*kin nazi because of what I said, and I'm sorry for what I said, but these are the same fanzines that loath students, OAPs, republicans, unionists, ravers, metallers, people with money and people without money. They seem to think that slagging these groups are ok, but if anyone dares to have a laugh at certain groups (ie. racial minorities, women or gays) it's a big no no, but on some occasions, they get away with that too. Most people who replyed back started with "I think yr fanzine's good, & I don't mean to be PC or anything, but...". Have these people ever slagged off a minority group? Laughed at a Paddy Irish/English/Scottish joke? Is that not racist? Chuckled at a comedian taking the piss out of busty blonde women? Is that not a generalisation? Ever saw an attractive woman and said to yourself "Christ... I'd give her one?" Is that not sexist? Not even slagged someone they disliked, and pointed out a particular feature of that person? Maybe over a drink when they're out with the lads, just the once. If you have slagged someone because of something they did, would that mean that everyone else who did the same thing is the same as the first? Of course not. Making me out to be a homophobe because half my class ran away when two men kissed each other and I didn't like it when my exchange came onto me is jumping the gun a bit. If I were to go on about the "Kraut Faggots who Bummed each other with a Bratwurst", then that, in my opinion is homophobia. Saying that I was too drunk to notice that two guys kissed each other, on the other hand is not. Zines like GN slaughtered me for saying that sh*t before, before changing the topic to "ending up having sex with that French bird" over the summer, or how they wouldn't mind "a piece of pussy". Sexist? (Check out GN 31) These are the same people who preach about the hypocritical "system", and who are rebelling against it. With more hypocrisy. Again, if I knew what kind of reaction I would get from that article, I would have changed it. Usually when I'm writing, it goes straight from head to paper, I only look over it for spelling mistakes and adding on to existing articles. The "virgin orifice" bit was meant to be a joke, a bit that would make people smile at the end of the article. It didn't work. In my mind I thought it would be the equivalent of saying that "If yer a virgin, come here! Ya won't be for long!!!" if we found out that the bar was a pickup joint for hookers. Maybe it wasn't on the same lines, but the comments weren't meant maliciously. I know that because of those sentences, this zine and I will be labelled fascist for the foreseeable future, and it doesn't matter how much I apologise here or in every other issue, I can't do anything to change that. I just want to apologise to everyone I offended. Sorry.

Moan and Groan #2

The next two Moan and Groans are about statements I've read in two freesheets over the past month. Planet Fish and Coffee Shop Blues. In Planet Fish (I think I know that Snifty bloke. Met him over the summer... Sound enough bloke) He mentioned that the "Net is my f*kin social life". Hmm... Been there, done that, but never let it take over my life! The net was pretty boring, I think. I prefered Bulletin Boards. Alot more stuff there. Anyway, my handles were either g0tAn, Moyne Aymes Ali, Jaye Zeus Kroi Est & Byter so I'll wiggle my fingers and mutter a greeting to anyone who recognises the names!... Anyway, The real reason I mentioned PF was because of the line "Thanks to the system, for giving us something to rebel against". As I mentioned before, I think Snifty (If it's the same guy) is sound enough, but I'd have to admit that the most rebellion he did was frowning at a policeman occasionally, walking in the 'out' door and feeding the goldfish too much food. What is the system anyway? The working class are victims of it, 'Rebels' are passionate about it and anyone in a suit is the cause of it. In reality, however, if a pig searches ya, it's not the system's fault, it's the narrowminded copper. I'm not extreme anti police, but I do think that the ones that stop me because of my appearance deserve a headcheck. "The System" is a scapegoat for everything bad in this society, whilst "This Beautiful Country" is everything that we love about this place. The Ying and Yang of modern society. This is as good as it gets. No matter how much you moan and rant and rave, you will never get what you want. If you march up and down O'Connel St., it'll grasp the attention of a handful of impressionable people who'd stop, listen and nod in agreement with a 12 year old turtle making a speech pleading you to wear PVC jock straps for Christmas anyway, so although you want to tell the people that there's a better system for them, they won't listen. Maybe one or two flyers will be passed out before someone realises they've run out of bog roll. There's no point in screaming if people only hear and complain, rather than listen and scream back. People become too wrapped up in the existing state of affairs and are scared of anything new or radical. All these anarchist students are always going on about how rules are wank and telling us all to F**K AUTHORITY. The closest these guys are going to get to F**K AUTHORITY is sleeping with a judge or traffic warden. Anarchists have to stop spraying/writing/painting/carving the symbol everywhere. If anarchists keep up with all the graffiti, the public will associate the term 'Anarchy' with dirt and mess. How far would you think the Green Party would get if people started spraying VOTE GREEN outside your house? You wouldn't even think about voting green. Most people would think :"The f*kin cunts, spraying that sh*te everywhere. F*k em". You've got to think of a new form of expressing your beliefs, rather than force it down the throats of an impressionable public. After all, that's what politicians do. The mere fact that yr allowed to even speak your mind is thanks to "This Beautiful Country", but the reason that society doesn't listen is because of "The System".

Moan and Groan #3

Some old and very thick people say that copying is the highest form of flattery. These people are likely to die very soon, either through heart failure or just plain stupidity. To top it off, they're also wrong. People who rip off other people's stuff deserve to have their genitals removed by blunt, rusty scissors, handled by an epileptic spastic, who is moshing on a (highly bouncy) trampoline. Not only that, but they also deserve a sound clout over the head with a large object, capable of denting large trees which are covered by vast amounts of titanium. Two such people who deserve such a fate are Sonic + Skeet, contributors to the hip and new freesheet: Coffee Shop Blues. Now, with psyeudonyms like 'Sonic' and 'Skeet', I'd have to take a guess that their real names are probably something along the lines of Ignatius and Jasper. These two fine lads are in their transition year, with handy tips to share with us all, like "Drink very large amounts of Vodka, and even larger amounts of pot". Thanks lads. Thanks very much. If it wasn't for these suggestions, I'd probably be studying for my LC on the weekends. Here, let me shake your hand. Anyway, onto the main point. Coffee Shop Blues owes more to hb#1 than a passing nod in the street. More like CSB bumped into hb in a dodgy alleyway, mugged it & kicked it in the teeth before sticking some fairly sharp, shiny, pointy things in it's face. CSB is inspired by hb#1 (A nice thing to know) - e.g. the little pub reviews, ,hb#1 had them (And got in shit for them), but they were German pubs. That's alright, but they also ripped out the section I wrote about selling out, replacing Marilyn Manson for Jamiroquai. Most sentences are direct copies, whilst others are slightly altered, but still basically my stuff. If they mentioned my name at all or even gave hb a little mention, I wouldn't be as miffed, but they tryed to pass it off as their own writings - i.e. "The bandwagoning public, who I personal hate" [sic]. Well, they meant "personally hate", but hey.. that's the English language for ya. Anyway. They personally hate the bandwagoning public? Not very personal is it? These two very thick blokes really don't have a clue. I mean, they're only around 15/16, and writing a freesheet about hash/drink amongst other things, and what's their address? It's their fukin school. Clever blokes. *clap clap* I honestly think it's a very original fanzine. I mean, they even have a picture of a bloke shagging a cow, with Sonic the Hedgehog (Note the connection. Sonic? Sonic the Hedgehog? *choruses of applause and laughter*) popping in, who quips "I heard of contracting BSE, but this is ridiculous". YOU FUNNY BLOKES!!!! Will these comedians ever run out of ideas? Apparantly not. Remember, they hate bandwagonners, so how do they rebel? Print the address in Irish of course! Original, eh?

Sonic agus Skeet, Rang Cáorthainn, An Idirbhiain, Collaiste Chillian,
Bothair Nangor, Cluain Dolcaín, BÁC 22.