HeLiUm BoNg 1


Atheism - Follow the road to enlightenment!!!

"The principle objection which a thinking man has to religion is that religion is not true and is not even sane" -E.Haldeman-Julius

Theism is the dorky belief that there is a man upstairs who has the power to control or alter the lives of every joe-soap. On the other hand atheism is the common belief that the case for the existence of a god is totally impossible, false and because there's basically no fucking proof. To date, the entire defence that the church and many of it's credulous minions have is the bible, and believe you me folks, the bible must win an award for the most elaborate shite of all time, or as my dear chum Oly would say - " It's a steaming pile of wank". The bible gives references to ponds, pools and even dag-nam rivers being turned into blood... pullease... but of all of the so called incredible miracles, my personal favourite is that god changed all dust into lice so that the men, women and kids in Egypt were covered from head to toe.

As that smart bloke E.Haldeman-Julius once said, "Belief in gods and beliefs in ghosts is identical. God is taken as a more respectable word than ghost, but means no more." It seems hard for me to comprehend the fact that so many gullible people still believe in the form of some type of god. For instance, those yanks across the ocean, 75% of them still believe in Satan and between one half to as bloody much as one third believe that the future can be told from the bible. It's no wonder that they come all the way over here to kiss the Blarney stone and look for Leprechauns, is believe in leprechauns, is it? Every day we hear about priests being involved in scandals, e.g. Bishop Eamonn Casey ran off with some bird and had a love child. There's a virgin birth if ever I saw one, him being sworn to celibacy and all.

After reading this week's issue of the Sunday Tribune, I saw an article where some priest had been mingling with the most notorious crimelords in Ireland. He was convicted in 1994 for handling stolen property, & was also arrested in 1988 for the murder of 3 servicemen near the Dutch/German border, but the extradition order fell through and he was set free.... the list goes on. What really get's on my tinkle is that the Catholic church has taken out an insurance policy against such things as molestation and other charges. Fuck, I wonder what their premium is. It just shows how fucked up the church is these days. Priests are meant to be spreading the word of the lord to people, not spreading their semen over kids arses. Hopefully, the only thing that churches will be used for are for community centres or some other facility which will benefit people.

Thanx to: Celine Kevin & Oly, depending on whether or not he prints this. See ya next time!



Imagine the situation. Yr walking out of Burger King/Mc Donalds/Subway and yr heading up Grafton St. Yr thinking to yrself what yr going to do tonight and then a bloke with a PA system hops in front of you, screaming "You, my son. Do you believe in the LORD?" Before you have the chance to answer, he shows you his wonderful drawing of the path of love, which consists of basically sitting at home and praying and the path to hell with everything that you've done since you were 14. Anyway, should these delightful bible bashers walk over to you before emptying a bucketful of holy water over your head, remember these great ways to show them that the bible is basically the end result when you find a large pig that has been constipated for the past year and blow it up. Shite basically. Look at all these old people running about screaming into the nearest TV camera "CHRIST CHOSE ME!" before slamming their bloody stigmatas in front of the TV presenter. Big media coverage with "The Apocalypse is upon us!" spunked onto the tabloid covers. It's a load of wank. Crucifiction involved hammering nails through the wrists and ankles not the palm and foot. If they crucified them the good oul American way (Hand & Foot) the crucifiee -adding insult to injury- would tear nicely before smacking their chin off the ground. Fun, but nonetheless time consuming, what with picking them up and sticking them back up again. Notice the way incest is a sin and all that? Well, ya know when Noah and the rest of the animals and his wife etc. slyly avoided becoming wet by building an ark? Well, that would make Noah and his wife the only two people in the world. Eventually, they get down to business and have kids. Now who the fuck do the kids have to shag? Would you shag yr brother/sister if the world depended on it? NOT FUCKING LIKELY! It's Brookside all over again! "Jesus died for our sins, to assure that we all get to heaven." Fine. I'll go out and mug some oul one coz Jesus died for my sins? "Eh.. no, it doesn't work like that" So what sins can I commit? "None." But that's why he died, isn't it?. For our sins? "Yes, but that doesn't make it right to commit sins." So what's his fucking point? "He died so you can go to heaven" So I can do whatever I want and still get in? "Right. Leave. Just leave" Don't ya just love preachers?


Is there a God? Well, I'm pretty much convinced that there isn't; at least not the Christian idea of one. God is basically a Father Christmas for adults, given that they believe that once something good happens it is the work of god, when in reality it's because of another person. For some, Science is their god, with people holding on to every last word as if it were gold, believing all that has been said and dismissing everything else. If some bald German bloke were to say "Breathing oxygen will kill you", all these blokes would believe it & start inhaling car exhaust fumes or summat like that. Some people go on about there not being a god *at all*, & to be honest, I do find that hard to believe. To say that the universe was there already is a paradox. To say that it was created by a higher being seems like a handful of donkey bollocks, but what other explanation is there? It drives my head up the fucking wall thinking about it. It's like looking at those optical illusions, it seems fascinating at first, then it gives you a fucker of a headache, but there's always that temptation to look at it again. I've heard loads of theories from very strange people, like: the universe is an object, the milky way is a section of it, the solar system is an atom & Earth is a mutated electron. Sounds like a clump of nun's pubes really, but it's a little bit more realistic than some old bearded bloke rolling up bits of dust and putting it in orbit around a large, glowing radiator. I suppose anything is more realistic than that. I don't like the thought of having to worship a god. I reckon that should a god exist, he wouldn't care if you worshiped him or not. God shouldn't care what you look like, but try walking into a church with a mohawk. God tells us to worship him, but also tells us that having a big ego is a sin. People would respond by saying, he's god, he can do what he wants. Dictators basically did the same with huge placards hurled around the towns/cities/media telling the people to obey them, to embrace them & to die for them. What did any of the dictators do apart from cause untold misery to their millions of servants? For me, the gods that I hear about, whether it's through a bearded American bloke preaching about it in Grafton St. or some skinhead bloke with a dainty little yellow doodle on the bridge of their noses shoving piles of books into my pockets share the same ideals as the dictators that the world has had the misfortune to have known. What joy did "god" bring to the world? Penance? Fasting? Buggering children? Do ya ever see these sad Black/Death metal blokes with big Deicide and Morbid Angel T-shirts growling some prayers backwards trying to raise Satan from their bedroom? I fucking despise them. These are the same kids who are not only Anti-Christian but Anti-God. Trying to explain to these Black Bible bashers that to believe in Satan, you've got to believe in God is nigh impossible. These people are just trying to impress they're fellow Anti-Christian mates whilst trying to scare the fuck out of their parents by bringing chickens and sacrificial goats into their living rooms. Daubing a red pentagram on a church isn't a sign of rebellion, it's a sign of being an immature little fuck.. The Catholic Church is as backward as fuck. "Don't use contraceptives, homosexuality is evil & (get this) you aren't allowed to wear clothing comprising of two different fabrics" Now there's a reason to become religious. All these trendy fanzines are labeling this freesheet fascist, & I'd reckon that a good few of these people are still Catholics - The most fanatical fascist regime of them all. There's a shitload of hypocrisy these days, & everyone's a part of it somehow.